Mom in France

Book Review: Bringing Up Bébé by Pamela Druckerman

I spent nearly 5 years in France before having children.  I learned to speak French (when needed) and developed a network of friends from very international backgrounds.  That was you find living on the Cote d’Azur.  However, from the moment I was pregnant, my assimilation into French culture accelerated.  I viewed family life through the lens of French culture. Sure, I had "What to Expect" like most of my Anglo-Saxon sisters (bought on a stateside business trip when I was 4 months pregnant), and I followed English-language sites and blogs on pregnancy and parenting. We even used English-language naming books from which we unwittingly chose the #1 most popular boy's name in France as Boo's first name. Still, from the early consults to the delivery and then raising a boy (and then a second), both my French vocabulary and my understanding in cultural behaviors became more fluent.

When Pamela Druckerman's book, "Bringing Up Bebe: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting" came out earlier this year I was forwarded reviews from multiple friends. The press I was sent by well-meaning friends was almost a challenge.  My network of friends (half from other countries, have French) smirked at the Economist's focus on French toddler's amazing table manners, as if they were ready for Taillevent from the age of 18 months.  I think that the UK title - "Why French Children Don't Throw Food" is a bit unfortunate.  There seemed to be a collective eye-roll over how our kids routinely act up at the table and how none of us would dare take a crowd of young kids (less than 5) to a white-cloth restaurant. 

The Wall Street Journal was more annoying.  They published an excerpt from the book, bluntly titled "Why French Parents are Superior". I have to disagree - I do not think that French parents are better.  Or by extension that American parents are somehow inferior. Who's to judge?  What's the metric?  "Better" adults?  Pass rate in college?  Economic indicators? 

And yet.  There was something, I reflected.  My sons learned how to eat off a spoon.  NEVER finger foods. Quite the opposite.  The summer when Boo was 2 and Little Guy was newborn we went to Nashville for the summer. We spent an evening early in our stay at the Local Taco.  I ordered Boo the classic kid meal – cheese quesadilla with black beans.  He refused to eat the quesadilla until I cut it up and gave him a fork.  It was the beginning of a trend – All sandwiches, pizza, hot dogs and other kiddie goodness had to be eaten with a fork.  He said no to cheerios as a snack (though yes with blueberries and milk for breakfast).   He is different, my family said.  He is so French.

I should read this book, I thought again.

Happy 5th Birthday, Boo!

A Day Out: The Institut Oceanographic in Monaco

 

I recently had a week-long staycation while our nanny was on a real vacation.  My mom came and we spent the week gardening, preparing for a birthday party and playing with out boys.  We managed to make it out one day and did the short trip to Monaco to visit the aquariums at the Institut Océanographic in Monaco.

Have you been to Monaco?  I like going there - it's different enough to feel like I've actually been somewhere.  The thing I always note about it is how clean it is - like the "streets" of Disneyland the place feels a bit staged, but pleasant.

The Institut was founded by Prince Albert I in 1906 after more than 20 years of exploration and research. It feels like something directly out of Jules Verne.  A huge neo-classical building built into the rock, the instiut houses aquariums, a museum that memorializes the days of exploration under Prince Albert I, a theatre and research facilities.  It's most famous director, Jacques-Yves Cousteau, is no where mentioned.  A little research hints that the Cousteau family - still very active in oceanography - tightly controls the Cousteau legacy (even if they don't all get along themselves).  Therefore, the museum has no mention of the relationship and role that Cousteau played as director or how the instiut and Monaco provided a base and support to Cousteau. 

If you want to get a (funny) idea, you need to watch Wes Anderson's hommage.

Today, the public part of the Institut is on three floors - the main entrance and atrium which were closed due to an installation while we were there, downstairs were the aquariums and upstairs the displays of artifacts and history of the early explorations

The aquarium is not huge like in Monterey Bay in California but it is nonetheless impressive and interesting, especially the wing devoted to the Mediterranean species.  The museum was filled with preserved specimens, huge fish skeletons and models of the on-board labs used at the dawn of the 20th century.  In all, an amazing look at one piece of oceanography from its beginnings to today.

Official Photos of Tiny House

Here they are, the "official" photos of TIny House!  I guess there won't be much more to say until we add some of our own decoration (thanks to our interior designer and prop stylist for much that you see here).  We have entered into the next phase - a garage to studio conversion but it's slow-going and messy and I've lost some of the enthusiasm for picture taking.  Maybe when we thaw out and things get moving in the spring. 

In the meantime, here is Tiny House.

How to Live in a Tiny House

The key to living in a Tiny House is to two-fold: 

1) Get rid of all non-essential items.  Be ruthless.  Karin:  you do NOT need all that stuff from Boston you never unpacked (9 years).  We cleared out an entire attic, and I was ruthless about selling/donating even large furniture that we knew would just need to be stored indefinitely.  E:  you do NOT need 6 pairs of running shoes.

2) For the stuff that remains, think about the available space and storage.  Consider the built-in.  (We considered, and did).

Our house, largely in thanks to our interior designer, is very well-laid out for storage.  I love that stuff has a place to go!

Here are a few of my favorites

The finished closet under the stairs.  See the IKEA kitchen rack for the brooms, etc?  I love having all that stuff off the floor and they are in easy reach when I need them.  In the small space under the stairs is our luggage and cat hang-out.

 

The Laundry/Coat closet

It's our catch-all just inside the entry-door.  We have a long rod for coats, a rack for shoes as well as high shelves for cleaning supplies. The bulk of the 7x4 closet is taken up by our hot water heater and stacked washer/dryer. 

Why I love this space:  There is a place for all of us hang coats. Even living in a tiny space, I avoided the kitchen washing machine (common in Europe).  Now I can do laundry, close the door and not hear it while I'm watching TV only a few feet away.

The Kitchen

I love pretty much everything about the kitchen. But there are some cool storage bits.  Like the bread basket (it is France, afterall!)

Gabage bins out of sight!

Finally, our big splurge in this house were the oak built-ins in the living room and bedrooms.  Downstairs, we have double-deep drawers that serve as a toy box for the kids.  Genius!  It a perfect everybody-is-happy arrangement.

 

The Firebox

Yippee!!  My mom is coming for a pre-Christmas visit.  YIKES!  We really need to get our &*(* together and finish up this house.  So the race is on.  The garden will still be a disaster (fair warning, Mom, if you're reading!) but we aim to get the house ship-shape.  So we're busy bees for the next few weeks.

Earlier in this project (and for the years of dreaming leading up to it) I spent my time on design blogs and hoarding home design magazines.  I was obsessed with how our house would feel and how the design would support and enhance the way we live.  Meanwhile, E was staying up late reading books on insulation, "green" building techniques and energy efficient ways of heating and cooling.  One of his big wishes was to have a wood burning stove in place of a traditional chimney.  With this house it was an easy choice - we had a chimney already but removed the gas burning fireplace.

Last week we had the new one installed.  I like to call it the firebox.  Because that's what it is; a fire in a box in the corner of our living room.  We were able to buy a small firebox (average 6kw output) since our space is small and so well insulated.  Once installed we had to wait a couple of days to light it (not that we need it - it's still in the mid-60s here during the day) to let all the evil chemicals related to the installation completely evaporate.  E was so excited - like a kid on Christmas Eve - and chomping at the bit to light it.  Once we'd past the 48 hours mark he went for it...and filled our house with smoke and turned the glass windows on the stove completely black. 

He was impatient.  Of course he thought something was wrong with the stove!  Ha.  After 1/2 hour the flames started roaring and he was happy.  Meanwhile, I spent 45 minutes the following morning cleaning the glass with oven cleaner - not so fun.

We have had a couple of good fires since then but then last night he came home and wanted a fire RIGHT NOW.  So he lit it and...filled the house with smoke.  At dinner time.  *sigh*.  He got it working, that is burning without a lot of smoke, but then I had to clean it again.  He asked me today to try to light one and see how it went - were there any leaks on the 2nd floor of the house where the chimney passes (in our bedroom!)?  Any further leaks coming from the stove itself? 

So I made my effort and tried to remember my Girl Scout years.  I did not succeed on the first try - smoky fire, same as E.  Then I did a little Google help and experimentation and here's what I learned:

• Don't be lazy when building the fire:  Wad up newspaper and place kindling wigwam style on top.  Light the newspaper and only when the kindling is burning add a log or two - whatever fits easily into the box.
• Know how the box gets oxygen to fuel the fire.  A few stoves have a pipe connected to the exterior wall and pulls air from the outside.  Most, like ours, have a vent in the box that pulls air from the room.  We have a vent in the wall to the outside that must be open when the fire is lit and pulls in fresh air and enters the box via the vent in the bottom.
• Know how air circulates in the house.  Our downstairs is open and a big no-no we learned the hard way:  Do not have the kitchen fan going at the same time as the fire becuase the fire will begin to smoke (or a badly built, smoky fire will get worse) and smoke will get pulled, via the vent, into the room.
• The Firebox heats the room by heating the box.  It's cast iron.  It gets HOT.  Do not leave your coffee cup on top or it can shatter or melt.  Reinforce the IT'S HOT message to little kids and visitors.  (So far, so good on this point in our house)

Now that I have the hang of making the fire, I'm really excited - it's so cozy!

 

 

When is a House Finished?

I haven't written much about Tiny House lately because it is discouraging. It's been 3 months since we officially moved in and the house feels about 90% done but that last bit is detailed and difficult to complete.  However, each time a bit gets finished, we are so happy! And we have a moment of satisfaction in seeing things come together - a little bit more of the dream realized. 

We definitely had that with the insulation.  While the inside feels mostly finished (minus some paint, light fixtures, closets and toilet), the outside is still clearly under renovation.  There is scaffolding on the walls and piles of construction materials and debris surrounding the house and in the driveway.  It's a bit discouraging coming home from work and having to make my way through the muck to get to the door.  So on the day they completed the first plaster and our house looked more like a house I felt a little bit of relief - could the end be in sight?

The insulation was expensive and difficult but we are really pleased with the result.  It hasn't been too cold yet here on the Riviera but it's cold enough and we haven't needed any heat.  Our home, even at night and during the awful rain, is staying in the mid-60s.  Unlike insulation installed on interior walls, the exterior insulation required several discrete steps - gluing the insulation to the existing wall (directly on the old plaster) [photo 1 and 2], covering the insulation in a fiberglass net [photo 3] and at the same time bolting the net and insulation to the concrete wall below to insure it doesn't move over time, and covering the entire surface with a plaster-like glue to seal it in [photo 4].  The final step will be to plaster - yet to be done.

 

The Last Gasp of Summer

The rain comes in a deluge again today and will last for at least 3 days, though I know that once it starts raining it's for at least a week.  Rain on the Riviera can be impressive - heavy at times and causing flash flooding and dragging on for days.  I won't feel too bad though because we have only had one period of that so far this fall and the past week has been glorious.

It was Halloween in the US. Here in France we celebrate All Saint's Day, or Toussaint.  Toussaint is a public holiday and 4 day weekend.  While many people travel during this period we decided to stay home - and how glad we were! 

We spent two days in the mountains, and two days on the seaside. 

Day 1:  Picnic on the Pic des Courmettes

The Pic des Courmettes is the highest mountain closest to the sea at 700m.  It's only a half hour drive to the beach and up on the plateau below the summit we felt like we were just hanging above the seashore.  The land is private but there is public access and plenty of trails for walking or climbing to the top.  We picnicked in one of the fields normally used by the sheep or goats we saw grazing elsewhere which made a terrific running place for the kids and gave us exceptional views of the coast and the mountains to the west.

Day 2: Paragliding in Gourdon

While on the Pic des Courmettes we could see paragliders (and one of our friends!) flying from nearby Gourdon.  E had the itch and so the following day we packed a second picnic and with friends headed up to Gourdon to watch the pilots.  It was a fabulous day with E flying 2.5 hours (we were long home by then).  The kids loved watching all the colorful paragliders and hangliders taking off and flying so close by.

Day 3: Lunch in Juan-les-Pins

Need I say more?

Day 4: Nice

Nice was fabulous as always.  We joined the families walking along the Promenade des Anglais and watched the G20 protesters warming up for their march later in the day.  Like everyone else, they were enjoying the weather on the beach.  We ate lunch at one the beach restaurants and enjoyed a gelato at the yummy Crema di Gelato on the square in front of the Palais du Justice.

After lunch, we visited the magnificent Carrousel Palace in the Parc Albert 1er - it is truly beautiful with magnficent horses and cars and airplanes to ride.  It's a double-decker and is just glittery to see turn.  At the top the panels are painted with scenes of landmarks of Nice.  Most I recognized but some, I know, are of buildings that have been destroyed or demolished.

What's Up With the Socialist Primary

 

For a couple of weeks last month the country was gripped with Primary Fever.  That is, the Parti socialiste, or PS for short, was electing their candidate to run against the incumbent Nicholas Sarkozy in next year's Presidential Elections.  In the background that is the daily media input I was vaguely aware of the discussion - DSK out as candidate after his prolonged stay in New  York and primaries upcoming.  My husband called one afternoon because he had to go to a "Party meeting."  It sounded either a little ominous/cold war or like he was getting ready for Hallowe'en.  But no - a lifelong SP supporter, he was going to hear about the preparations for the Primary elections and to volunteer his services at the poll on election days.

For those of you in the US watching the Republicans beginning to duke it out to run against Obama in 2012, this may not seem like a big deal.  However, the primary is a relatively new concept in France, introdcued by the PS for the presidential election of 2006.  This year, the candidates from the party held a series of debates that were so polite and tame compared to what we see in the US (on both sides of the left/right divide).  It reminded me of this old musical live performances videos from the late 50s and early 60s - rockin' tune but everybody, on-stage and off, very polite.

The PS primary of 2006 elected Segolene Royal to run against Sarkozy.  This primary was only open to registered party members and about 100K people voted (in a country of 60 million people).  The reason is that the political party structure in France is much more fragmented than in the US or UK - in 2006 there were 18 candidates for president from across the political spectrum.  Voting is held in two rounds - the first to select the two candidates with the highest number of votes and a run-off for the majority.  Usually, but not always, the elections result in candidates from the center-right and center-left parties in the final election and with the other parties supporting.  

This year, the PS did a brilliant PR gambit and called their primary the Citizen's Primary and opened the vote to anyone registered to vote in France with the stipulation that they donate 1 euro and sign a registration form saying that they adhere to the values put forth by the Party.  Sounds quaint, but it worked - nearly 3 million people voted, mostly from the left.  This number of participants gave the candidates and the party much more credibility and it became much more of a national political event which dominated the news cycle for nearly two weeks.

The result of this new process was not dramatic:  the voters selected François Hollande to run against Sarkozy.  Hollande is a longtime Party executive and the former partner of Segolene Royal.  He was her campaign manager in the last election.  The only surprises happened in the first elimination round - Royal was routed with only 7% or 188K votes and in 4th place behind Hollande, Parti president Martine Aubry and Royal's former spokesperson Arnaud Montebourg who surprised the media by gaining 17% of the votes cast.

Hollande and the PS now has the advantage of having a very public and very successful primary and he can now actively start (though slowly) running for President.  Meanwhile, on the other side of the aisle, the assumed candidate for the right, current president Sarkozy said last night on TV that he has  "job to do" and can not worry about getting elected.

Moving to France? Some Books that Helped Me

Are you moving to France?  Dreaming about it?  Already have moved and wondering what the heck you've gotten yourself into? 

At some point, I said yes to each of those questions.  Being a reader, I sought out solace and advice in books.  I didn't really know it then, but there are A LOT of books on being an expat, and more specifically, being an (anglo-saxon) expat in France.  So many people have trod the path for us, and many of those have written memoirs or handy guides.  Below are some that helped me along the way.

Readers that are living in France:  Do you have any to add that particularly entertained you or helped you in some way?  Please share in the comments! 

 

1. Paris to the Moon, by Adam Gopnik

Even if you don't move to Paris or live abroad, Adam Gopnik's memoir of  his time in Paris writing for the New Yorker is so entertaining.  He captured for me both the magic of Paris and was open about some of the humiliations he suffered while trying to navigate life in a foreign land.  My favorite episodes are trying to procure a Thanksgiving turkey, his adventures in medicine (including the birth of his child) and his essay on the profession of restaurant waitservice.

 

 

 

 

 

 

2. Almost French, by Sarah Turnbull

Like Sarah Turnbull, I too moved to France after falling in love with a frenchman.  Her memoir of her first years in Paris is so down-to-earth chronicling her impressions, frustrations and discoveries as she tried to integrate into French life.  This book above all spoke to me in a personal way as someone who had been there, done that.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3. A Year in Provence, by Peter Mayle

Of course I had to finally read it.  I remember that as a student all the older people coming in to buy this book to fantasize.  (I'm the Older now).  From my high stool behind the counter reading one of the hard classics I looked down on those people, but what the heck - I was living in France after all.  And you know what?  The book is a witty account of living in a foreign land before the anglo-saxons arrived in droves.  His book may seem obvious now but he's really the one who started a genre and I still learned somethings about the French along the way.

 

For those who work with French people and who just don't get it - these are for you. Both these business-school books are very expensive - you might be able to find them used or in a library.  Or if you have a rich employer maybe you can expense the purchase :-)

 

 

 

 

 

 

4. French Management - Elitism in Action by Jean-Louis Barsoux and Peter Lawrence

The key to French Management is it's subtitle - I was already experiencing that it in a visceral way and could not understand why I wasn't being taken seriously.  Reading this book helped me understand why and this understanding helped me figure out what to do (in my case - it was change jobs!).  The book explains the education system, French cultural attitudes towards power, hierarchy, gender and money and how these characteristics inform french management behaviors. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

5. Managing Across Cultures by Susan Schneider and Jean-Lous Barsoux 

Managing Across Cultures was one of the most fascinating and encouraging books I read in getting ready to live and work in another country.  While I had worked in very mixed environments in California and Boston it was the job of the foreigners to fit in.  Now I was the foreigner and was trying to figure out my place. However, even though France was a mystery, living in Europe means living in a truly multi-cultural environment and people need to be able to easily adapt.  This book helped me understand that, and helped me understand my own specifically American tendencies and how they may be perceived by other cultures. 

 

A note to readers: All the books link to Amazon.com via a dedicated Mom In France link.  If you buy one of these books by clicking on the link, THANK YOU, because you just helped pay my hosting fees for the year. Also - please be aware you don't pay anything extra by purchasing through the link - Amazon is sharing a *tiny* amount with me for the privilege of you buying from them.